"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Aristotle
Parenting today often feels like a balancing act between quick fixes and long-term goals. While bribes, punishments, and praise may work in the moment, research shows that these approaches can undermine curiosity, resilience, and the joy of learning over time. This series delves into the science of motivation in children, exploring why rewards backfire, when they work, how praise can affect agency, and how resilience and mastery grow through developmentally appropriate challenges. Drawing on theories from Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset, Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development, and neuroscience insights on dopamine, we’ll shift from autopilot parenting to an evidence-based framework.
This is not about rigid rules but offering parents a roadmap to nurturing lasting motivation through curiosity, autonomy, and mastery. As a layman with ten years of experience in early childhood education, I welcome any expert insights on misinterpretations.
To learn more about Hatching Dragons, and how we nurture young minds, we invite you to explore our approach to early childhood education. From our carefully designed activities to our unique learning environment, we’d love to share how we inspire curiosity and growth in every child. You can book a virtual or in-person visit below, where we’ll take the time to walk you through our philosophy and answer any questions you may have.
Book Online TourBook A VisitImagine it's 7 p.m., the dinner plates are still on the table, and your child is dragging their feet over homework. You promise a treat for completing their work. The task gets done, but does it build the motivation to persist without bribes? While this approach offers short-term compliance, it may erode your child’s intrinsic drive to work without external rewards. Edward Deci, co-founder of Self-Determination Theory, warns:
"When people are rewarded for doing something, they sometimes lose interest in the activity itself."
This shift in how the brain responds to effort and reward is measurable, not just a behavioral quirk.
Motivation isn’t just a "soft skill" — it's rooted in neurobiology, primarily driven by dopamine, which fuels our desire to act. Dopamine rewards curiosity and mastery, triggering positive feelings when a child accomplishes tasks like solving puzzles or reading. However, external rewards like treats or praise can diminish the brain's natural dopamine response to the activity itself. Over time, motivation becomes tied to the reward rather than the activity.
While rewarding behaviors seems logical, studies show that these strategies often backfire. For example, in a classic study by Lepper, Greene, and Nisbett (1973), children promised a reward for drawing showed less interest in the activity afterward. Deci’s (1999) meta-analysis confirmed that tangible rewards often reduce intrinsic motivation, especially for activities children enjoy. Carol Dweck’s work (1998) also reveals that praise focused on traits like intelligence makes children less resilient, while praising effort encourages persistence.
Intrinsic motivation is crucial for resilience and lifelong success. Children driven by curiosity are more likely to:
Children who pursue activities for joy and challenge lay the foundations for lifelong motivation.
Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD) is the sweet spot between what a child can do alone and what they can do with guidance. In the ZPD, motivation thrives. The adult’s role is to scaffold learning — providing hints and encouragement without taking over. Over time, the child internalizes both the skill and the belief: “I can do hard things.” This approach replaces external rewards with the intrinsic satisfaction of mastery.
Parents don’t need to abandon all tools, but they should align them with scientific principles:
Take a moment to reflect:
As Ryan & Deci (2000) remind us, "Intrinsic motivation is fragile, yet it is the fuel of deep learning and creativity." Our job as parents is to nurture that flame by creating environments where curiosity, mastery, and joy thrive.
I’m working on printable assets for parents to help rephrase default responses based on these principles. Meanwhile, here’s a simple guide: When you praise, ask yourself: “Am I focusing on effort, strategy, or choice? If not, I’ll rephrase.”
This blog sets the stage for a series on the science of motivation. Future posts will explore why rewards backfire, when they work, the role of praise, how resilience grows in the ZPD, and the neuroscience behind mastery. Stay updated by subscribing to our blog.
In the next installment, we'll discuss why rewards often backfire at the brain chemistry level.
Looking for a nursery that celebrates diversity and nurtures global citizens?
Contact Hatching Dragons today to learn more about our multicultural, early years approach rooted in inclusion, empathy, and global learning.
Book a tour, register today, or reach out through our Contact page to learn more.
References for Further Reading